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Famous Last Words: Final Thoughts Fall 2017
Finals; Flickr Wow, I can’t believe its finally finals time! I would like to start off by saying this class has ...
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Personal photo of me in Norman Oklahoma in October 2016 Hi everyone! My name is Dhara Maisuria. I was born in New Jersey, but rai...
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Three Little Pigs Picture by Diane Michaud Lowry Source: Flickr Once upon time there lived three little pigs... -
Chuck Bass; Wikipedia There once was a pretty girl in a village with her father in France. Her name was Eva. She...
Hey Dhara,
ReplyDeleteI think you did an awesome job for "The Gorilla Who Got into Bad Company". I like how the premise of your story comes from a derivative of the theme that was present in the story that inspired you to write this. Where most would simply take the idea and just run with it, you instead chose to read the moral/theme and try to interpret it in a different view, which would ultimately lead you to writing a completely different story than had you just stick with the norm.
You did a great job with exposition, the only suggestion I have for you is to consider changing up the conclusion. The moral of the story is to be careful who you associate yourself with, but is there more that you can draw for the conclusion? We get the point that you are trying to convey, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to end your story there. You can continue your story and still convey your message. In this case: you can have Gary be redeemed while still learning the lesson of choosing your friends wisely. Other than that, great job! I look forward to reading your next stories!
Hi Dhara!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to applaud the design of your portfolio. I love that, even though your stories are different, they all seem to have a lovely image that ties in with your background.
I read your story titled "World," and you started it out very nice. You made it clear who the main characters would be in your story and what the end goal is. I am curious as to whether all of this is occurring prior to, during, or after humans inhabited the land on earth. I am assuming that this is all taking place prior to, but you never know. Maybe you could throw that tiny detail in just to give your reader a blank slate in their mind when they are picturing the earth and what you mean by becoming more beautiful.
Overall, I really enjoyed your story and hope to read more in the future! Thank you for sharing with us!
Hey Dhara,
ReplyDeleteI chose to do a storybook instead of a portfolio so I know it's a little different but I think that adding just a short little intro and maybe a mini description of what your stories will be about in your portfolio would be super helpful!
Your picture of monkeys is super cute!!
I wonder who the "mutual friend" is that tells the two monkeys about the gorialla? He doesn't sound like much of a friend to Gary if he tells the two most unliked monkeys in the jungle about his magic tree.
What happens if you get on Mr. Kelly's bad side?
Great moral on the first story!
World
I think it might be helpful to specify that "Earth" is "Earth God" from the start because it sounds like the planet itself wants to make everything beautiful and that's a little strange to imagine. I love the descriptions in your story and think it's really cool that you didn't flat out say what they were. You gave enough description to let the reader see what you intended! Great work!
Hi Dhara! I enjoyed your stories — I think a lot of the other projects that I read were Storybooks, so it was fun to read a portfolio story. In your story about the Gorilla, I loved that you were able to connect it to a moral. The way you interpreted the moral you based it off of was definitely one I'd heard growing up, so I appreciated that. In your story about the Earth, Sun and Moon, I loved how descriptive you were able to be in describing their creations. At first I was a little confused, like I think another commenter said, about specifying that Earth is Earth God or Earth Doctor, and I think that might've helped a bit. In your last story, I thought you did a great job of making a fairy tale still feel modern and fresh! Nice job, and I hope the rest of your semester goes well!
ReplyDelete